514: Moving on after hurt
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Episode Summary
Today I’m talking about how to move on after you have been hurt.
Whether it is heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment, family pain, friendship breakups, or someone not showing up the way you hoped they would, hurt is part of the human experience. But moving on is not always as simple as forgiving, forgetting, or pretending it did not matter. When we are hurt, the pain can linger, and if we do not know how to work with it, we can start living from the wound instead of from our healthy adult self.
In this episode, I break down why we get stuck in pain, how the ego mind tries to loop, ruminate, and figure everything out, and why old wounds can make present-day hurt feel even more intense. I also walk you through how to move through hurt in a whole-body way by feeling your emotions, stopping the wait for an apology, getting honest about what the experience is teaching you, and letting the pain transform you instead of define you.
Key Takeaways
Moving on after hurt does not mean pretending it did not happen
Hurt can change us, our relationships, and the way we see ourselves if we do not process it
The mind often revisits what the heart has not yet resolved
Rumination is the ego’s attempt to figure out, fix, or control emotional pain
Present-day hurt can activate older wounds, including childhood abandonment, betrayal, or shame
If the pain feels disproportionate to what happened, there may be a deeper taproot wound underneath it
Waiting for an apology can keep us stuck in pain, anger, and victim energy
Feeling emotions fully allows the energy of the emotion to move through the body
Healing requires getting radically honest about what the experience is teaching us
Pain can transform us when we use it for growth instead of allowing it to define us
Taproot Wound
A taproot wound is the deeper emotional wound underneath a present-day trigger. Sometimes the pain we feel in the moment is not only about what just happened. It may be connected to an older wound from childhood or another painful experience that was never fully healed. For example, a breakup, betrayal, or hurtful comment from a friend may activate an old abandonment wound, shame wound, or fear of not being wanted. When the emotional reaction feels much bigger than the current situation, it can be a sign that something deeper has been touched.
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370: End Your Ruminating Thoughts With Parts Work
494: Shift From Victim to Empowered with One Simple Question
359: Why and How to Feel Your Emotions
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