300: How to Be a Boundary Boss with Terri Cole

Feb 3

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Episode Summary:

No one is born knowing how to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are a skill, and the good news is that you can learn how to become a boundary boss.

In this episode, I’m joined by Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist, author, and boundary expert who helps people overcome the “disease to please,” speak their truth clearly and confidently, and create more peaceful, authentic relationships.

We talk about why boundaries can feel so hard, especially for those of us who were raised or praised for being self-abandoning, helpful, agreeable, or codependent. Terri explains that we all have a boundary blueprint in our unconscious mind, and when we become aware of that blueprint, we can begin changing the way we relate to others and ourselves.

Terri also shares powerful tools for setting boundaries, handling pushback, dealing with boundary repeat offenders, and learning how to say no before we have already said yes. We also talk about the difference between self-care and selfishness, and why setting boundaries actually deepens connection instead of destroying it.

This episode is such an empowering reminder that conflict does not have to mean disconnection. When we set healthy boundaries, we stop abandoning ourselves, prevent resentment, and allow others to truly know and love our authentic self.

Key Takeaways:

Boundaries are not something you either have or do not have. They are a skill you can develop
We all have an unconscious boundary blueprint that shapes how we relate to others
Many of us were raised and praised for self-abandoning or people-pleasing behavior
Boundaries are your personal rules of engagement
Healthy boundaries help prevent resentment and deepen connection
It is often easier to say no before you have already said yes
Self-care is not selfish. It is self-loving
Some people may push back when you begin setting boundaries
Boundary repeat offenders may need clearer limits and consistent follow-through
Setting boundaries allows you to be more accurately seen and known
You can stay lovingly attached to people while still setting boundaries

Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are the limits, standards, and personal rules of engagement that help us protect our time, energy, emotions, body, and truth. Boundaries are not about controlling others or pushing people away. They are about being clear on what is okay for you, what is not okay for you, and how you choose to show up in relationships.

Related Episodes

You may also enjoy:
140: Love and Boundaries with Terri Cole
437: High Functioning Codependency with Terri Cole
261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair

Resources from this Episode:

Terri Cole Website

https://www.terricole.com/

Terri Cole Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/terricole/

“Boundary Boss” (Terri Cole book)

https://boundarybossbook.com/

The Terri Cole Show (Terri Cole podcast)

https://www.terricole.com/podcast/

Free Boundaries + Codependency Resource from Terri Cole